Mitch Hedberg

Discover the 10 best quotes by Mitch Hedberg. Make your own poster too.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

Mitch Hedberg

funny

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.

Mitch Hedberg

funny

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.

Mitch Hedberg

funny

Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!

Mitch Hedberg

funny

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

Mitch Hedberg

funny

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

Mitch Hedberg

good

I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.

Mitch Hedberg

good

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

Mitch Hedberg

good

I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart.

Mitch Hedberg

good

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Mitch Hedberg

great

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