Mitch Hedberg

Discover the 9 best quotes by Mitch Hedberg. Make your own poster too.

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

Mitch Hedberg

life

I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.

Mitch Hedberg

love

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

Mitch Hedberg

morning

I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.

Mitch Hedberg

time

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

Mitch Hedberg

time

Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.

Mitch Hedberg

time

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

Mitch Hedberg

women

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

Mitch Hedberg

work

If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.

Mitch Hedberg

work

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