Mitch Hedberg

Discover the 10 best quotes by Mitch Hedberg. Make your own poster too.

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Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!

Mitch Hedberg
amazing

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

Mitch Hedberg
birthday

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

Mitch Hedberg
business

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

Mitch Hedberg
car

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?

Mitch Hedberg
cool

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

Mitch Hedberg
dating

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

Mitch Hedberg
dreams

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

Mitch Hedberg
food

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Mitch Hedberg
funny

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

Mitch Hedberg
funny

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