I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
Steven Wright
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The TV business is uglier than most things. It is normally perceived as some kind of cruel and shallow money trench through the heart of the journalism industry, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs, for no good reason. -
Rule No.1: Never lose money. Rule No.2: Never forget rule No.1. -
I pity the French Cinema because it has no money. I pity the American Cinema because it has no ideas. -
We need to reclaim our American system of limited government, low taxes, reasonable regulations, and sound money, which has blessed us with unprecedented prosperity. And it has done more to help the poor than any other economic system ever designed. -
Well, I thought the deal was, when you went to work for the government you weren't supposed to make money!
More quotes by Steven Wright
- How young can you die of old age?
- I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
- For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
- I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
- I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.