I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.
Fred Allen
More from: Fred Allen
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Sometimes I think what I write is funny in its quiet way. -
I used to say, 'Man, I think I'd be a really good dad. I'll be a great provider. I'm funny I'll go on trips with them - I'll do all sorts of stuff.' But the momming? I'm not made for that. I have a really good mom I know what she put into it. -
And the funny thing is, I've always been an optimist - it's practically a congenital disorder with me. -
The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?' -
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
More quotes by Fred Allen
- We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
- An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
- My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
- Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
- I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.