I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.
Elayne Boosler
More from: Elayne Boosler
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There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. -
I don't really have a type of guy I like. It's just like nice guys, cute boys I mean, ones that are funny. -
If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny. -
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. -
I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.
More quotes by Elayne Boosler
- I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.
- I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'
- I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'
- I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.
- I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.